The other day I was talking to a friend about everything that happened to Jordan and how it has changed my life. This friend is very spiritual and I was telling her how I had not really felt God in my life for a long time. I had some difficult experiences with the church when I was younger and while I felt religious I had walked away from the church. When everything started happening with Jordan I started to pray. In the years leading up to this trauma, I talked to the kids about God and Jesus and I talked to God, I just never felt very connected.
So this friend told me the following story:
She said that she is always asking God to show her signs. She knows that He is there and she is always talking to Him and believing in Him, although she would still ask these things of Him. One day when she was talking to God she said “I would like to see a white balloon in the sky.” I know it sounds a little strange, I think we all have different things we would like to see just to prove that someone is listening to us. A few days later it was a cloudy, dreary day and she was driving home from work. As she got across the bridge she looked up and there was a blue balloon in the sky. It was not exactly what she asked for although if God had given her a white balloon she would never have seen it.
When I got home I was so moved by our conversation and the story she told my family about it. The next day we were driving to soccer and Jordan says “Mom look it’s a blue balloon.” Sure enough right in front of us in the sky was a blue balloon.
I know it sounds silly, I think God was trying to tell me all was going to be okay. I remember the first night Jordan was in the hospital her brain would not stop seizing and I stayed with her the whole time. At about 4:30 in the morning I could not take it anymore and I went to get something to eat. I had the best grilled cheese sandwich in the world. As I was walking back to Jordan’s room I saw the sign for the Chapel so I detoured to the Chapel. I remember sitting down and talking to God. I started to cry and I said “I have made a lot of mistakes in my life; my children are not one of them. Please watch over her and protect her.” I sat there for about 5 minutes crying and when I left I felt more at peace.
I guess what I am saying is believing is half the battle. Through this whole experience I find that I talk to God more and more. I have learned to believe in things that I cannot see or control. I know that there are many people praying for my family and I believe somewhere in the universe someone is listening.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Monday, October 25, 2010
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Jeff Dunahm - D-Cup Diabtribes
This past weekend I had some much needed mommy time. With everything that has been going on and having to keep the peace between everyone in the house I really needed to get out, laugh and spend time with friends.
First I went to Jeff Dunham with some wonderful friends. I have not laughed that hard in a long time. The show was great and he talked about a restaurant in my home town, a restaurant that my friends and I love going to for drinks, laughs, dancing, and food. I must say I have not heard my home town mentioned more than that night. So because he talked so much about this restaurant we just had to go there.
Once there we saw a bunch of young football players with "Gamecock" on their shirts. They were so funny and all I could think was please don't ever let my daughter date a guy who wears "Gamecock" on his shirt.
The very next night I went out again, I know to nights in a row, crazy. This time I went to see the play D-cup Diatribes. With October being Breast Cancer Awareness month I thought this was a great play to see. It is a one person show about women and the different phases of life with respect to her relationship with her breasts. I laughed, I cried, and had an amazing time. The show was awesome and I think my favorite part was the 11 year old girl; the actress did a superb job. She was funny, witty and brought to light many issues and feeling women go through, with respect to their breast.
For more information about the show check out her website at:
http://www.thedcupdiatribes.com/DCD/HOME.html
First I went to Jeff Dunham with some wonderful friends. I have not laughed that hard in a long time. The show was great and he talked about a restaurant in my home town, a restaurant that my friends and I love going to for drinks, laughs, dancing, and food. I must say I have not heard my home town mentioned more than that night. So because he talked so much about this restaurant we just had to go there.
Once there we saw a bunch of young football players with "Gamecock" on their shirts. They were so funny and all I could think was please don't ever let my daughter date a guy who wears "Gamecock" on his shirt.
The very next night I went out again, I know to nights in a row, crazy. This time I went to see the play D-cup Diatribes. With October being Breast Cancer Awareness month I thought this was a great play to see. It is a one person show about women and the different phases of life with respect to her relationship with her breasts. I laughed, I cried, and had an amazing time. The show was awesome and I think my favorite part was the 11 year old girl; the actress did a superb job. She was funny, witty and brought to light many issues and feeling women go through, with respect to their breast.
For more information about the show check out her website at:
http://www.thedcupdiatribes.com/DCD/HOME.html
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Hitting Her Head
Jordan went to school yesterday for picture day and then asked if she could stay the whole day. I figure every time she shows interest in staying at school we should let her and thankfully the school feels the same way. So she stayed at school for four hours and did not stay for tutoring afterwards.
She really did not tell me much about her day and when I asked her if she wanted to go back tomorrow she said “No, not really.” I am thinking that she likes the idea of being able to go to school when she wants. I have not been forcing her so when January comes I am hoping she will be ready to start back. If she is not ready for full days by then we will have to continue with half days or work something out.
When Jeff got home he was horsing around with him and they were in the other room. The next thing I hear is this LOUD and I mean a DEAFENING sound come from her room. I ran into the room to see Jordan lying on the bed and Jeff telling me she hit her head. She has been on his back and when he sat down she leaned back and was a little too close to the wall.
I got down to her level and asked her if she was okay and she informed me, as always, that she was fine. So now I am not sure if I will be able to sleep tonight. I believe she is fine and that there is nothing wrong with her, I am just not sure. I think that was my breaking point for today. All I want to do is sit down and cry. I think the stress of the situation has started to catch up with me.
I am ready to go to the doctor. I am ready to ask what happened and pray for some answers, I am ready to lower her medications and see how that works. I say all of this now and I know in a month and half when they lower her medication and they still don’t have any answers it won’t be any easier and I will have a whole set of new fears.
For now life is going forward as always. We continue to thank you for the love, support, and prayers you are giving us. Your strength and encouragement have gotten us through this and it will continue to do that.
She really did not tell me much about her day and when I asked her if she wanted to go back tomorrow she said “No, not really.” I am thinking that she likes the idea of being able to go to school when she wants. I have not been forcing her so when January comes I am hoping she will be ready to start back. If she is not ready for full days by then we will have to continue with half days or work something out.
When Jeff got home he was horsing around with him and they were in the other room. The next thing I hear is this LOUD and I mean a DEAFENING sound come from her room. I ran into the room to see Jordan lying on the bed and Jeff telling me she hit her head. She has been on his back and when he sat down she leaned back and was a little too close to the wall.
I got down to her level and asked her if she was okay and she informed me, as always, that she was fine. So now I am not sure if I will be able to sleep tonight. I believe she is fine and that there is nothing wrong with her, I am just not sure. I think that was my breaking point for today. All I want to do is sit down and cry. I think the stress of the situation has started to catch up with me.
I am ready to go to the doctor. I am ready to ask what happened and pray for some answers, I am ready to lower her medications and see how that works. I say all of this now and I know in a month and half when they lower her medication and they still don’t have any answers it won’t be any easier and I will have a whole set of new fears.
For now life is going forward as always. We continue to thank you for the love, support, and prayers you are giving us. Your strength and encouragement have gotten us through this and it will continue to do that.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
MRI
Jordan went for an MRI 2 weeks ago and we had not heard anything as of today. I was thinking I can’t wait until December to find out the results of this test so I called the Doctor’s office today. I left a message for the Doctor and prayed that he would call me back today.
After Jordan and I brought Jared to school we went o Barnes and Noble, where we tried to do some work. Jordan did about 2 problems and then she stopped, I started paying attention to the things around us and asked her “Why did you stop your work?” She told me that she could not concentrate because it was too loud. There were two guys talking, the music was playing and people were walking all around us. I asked her what she thought it was going to be like when she went back to school. She told me school was fine because she just had Mrs. Fournier. Now I am wondering how school is going to go when she starts with all the kids.
Now back to the MRI. I got a phone call from the nurse at the doctor’s office. I know the suspense is killing you isn’t. She told me that the doctor did not get the results, so now I’m thinking great what does that mean. Then she told me “He did talk with the doctor from Boston and her MRI was FINE.” FINE can you believe it, there was NOTHING WRONG with her MRI. Such a wonderful thing and I am so excited. I am so glad that there is nothing wrong with her MRI. I am hoping that in December the doctor will give us a few more answers.
Now we just have to wait and see. Jordan has had so many people praying for her and all the prayers are working. I am hoping that her medications will be brought down a little. While this scares the crap out of me because of the unknown I am hoping that having a good MRI means it really was just a virus. A virus that we have no idea what it was or if it is even out of her system, a virus that could still be there, although we hope it is not.
Thank you again for all the prayers, support and love.
After Jordan and I brought Jared to school we went o Barnes and Noble, where we tried to do some work. Jordan did about 2 problems and then she stopped, I started paying attention to the things around us and asked her “Why did you stop your work?” She told me that she could not concentrate because it was too loud. There were two guys talking, the music was playing and people were walking all around us. I asked her what she thought it was going to be like when she went back to school. She told me school was fine because she just had Mrs. Fournier. Now I am wondering how school is going to go when she starts with all the kids.
Now back to the MRI. I got a phone call from the nurse at the doctor’s office. I know the suspense is killing you isn’t. She told me that the doctor did not get the results, so now I’m thinking great what does that mean. Then she told me “He did talk with the doctor from Boston and her MRI was FINE.” FINE can you believe it, there was NOTHING WRONG with her MRI. Such a wonderful thing and I am so excited. I am so glad that there is nothing wrong with her MRI. I am hoping that in December the doctor will give us a few more answers.
Now we just have to wait and see. Jordan has had so many people praying for her and all the prayers are working. I am hoping that her medications will be brought down a little. While this scares the crap out of me because of the unknown I am hoping that having a good MRI means it really was just a virus. A virus that we have no idea what it was or if it is even out of her system, a virus that could still be there, although we hope it is not.
Thank you again for all the prayers, support and love.
Friday, October 15, 2010
Mic-Key Button
Jordan had her Mic-Key button removed the other day. She was so excited to finally have it taken out. I remember when we first decided she needed it I was a little nervous. I knew she needed it because she was not talking or eating and we needed to get the feeding tube out of her nose. I also knew that as parents we have always let our children have input in things that are happening in their lives. At the time Jordan would not have been able to give us any input and we made the decision ourselves. In the end it was the right one.
The funny thing is that when we got there the nurse said “So we are looking at putting in a different size button.”
Jordan looked at me with sheer terror in her eyes and I said “No, No, No are supposed to be taking the button out today.”
The nurse then informed me that she didn’t have to the doctor’s notes and we would have to wait and see. So when the doctor came in and we started talking I got a little nervous. He asked when she had the G-tube put in, what kind it was and so on.
I explained that it was put in on August 20, 2010 and that when I made the appointment I asked because we were not at two months. I was told that this doctor did not take out G-tubes until they had been in for two months; we were there 2 days early. I explained that the G-tube she had put in was not a Mic-Key button; it was a long tube that came out of her stomach. As I said, at the time I was nervous about this, and now I am thankful.
The only reason Jordan could have her Mic-Key button taken out this day was because of the type of button that was originally put in. If the pediatric surgeon had done the surgery she would have had to wait the extra two days.
Through this whole experience I have learned that someone is watching out for us and that we are blessed. Thank God for all the little missteps along the way because they seem to have helped us.
The funny thing is that when we got there the nurse said “So we are looking at putting in a different size button.”
Jordan looked at me with sheer terror in her eyes and I said “No, No, No are supposed to be taking the button out today.”
The nurse then informed me that she didn’t have to the doctor’s notes and we would have to wait and see. So when the doctor came in and we started talking I got a little nervous. He asked when she had the G-tube put in, what kind it was and so on.
I explained that it was put in on August 20, 2010 and that when I made the appointment I asked because we were not at two months. I was told that this doctor did not take out G-tubes until they had been in for two months; we were there 2 days early. I explained that the G-tube she had put in was not a Mic-Key button; it was a long tube that came out of her stomach. As I said, at the time I was nervous about this, and now I am thankful.
The only reason Jordan could have her Mic-Key button taken out this day was because of the type of button that was originally put in. If the pediatric surgeon had done the surgery she would have had to wait the extra two days.
Through this whole experience I have learned that someone is watching out for us and that we are blessed. Thank God for all the little missteps along the way because they seem to have helped us.
Monday, October 11, 2010
GLEE
It was an interesting Glee tonight and even more so because I had a wonderful conversation today, with a friend, about God. With everything that has happened over the past few months I have been looking into myself and my beliefs. This episode of Glee is almost a direct correlation between what I was feeling and what happened in my life, while the story line is different because it was my daughter lying in the hospital fighting not my father.
When I was younger religion played a big part of my life. I went to Catholic schools, we went to church on Sunday, and religion was always there. As I got older my experiences and decisions changed my thinking. I always believed in God, I just didn’t always believe in religion. I felt torn, lost without faith. I have raised my children to believe in God, although we do not go to church every Sunday. Then Jordan got sick and my life changed again.
I started talking to God again. I started asking people to pray for us. I realized the power of prayer and God was there. I remember telling Jordan “We are going to prove these doctors wrong. You are going to get better and we are going to make it though.” After that I remember talking to God every day. I would pray for Jordan, I would pray for the people around us. I would thank God for all the support and love that we received.
I started seeing things in a new light and I realized that although my life has gone in many different directions maybe I did need God. Maybe He has always been there and I just needed to just reach out and talk to Him.
Glee did such a good job tonight it was wonderful. It was nice to see how they handled the subject matter. While there are many different religions on the show, they all came together to help a friend, who in the beginning, did not believe in God and did not want their help. In the end I they don’t make him believe in God, although he has a better understanding of what having faith means.
In the end it just makes me realize who I am as a person and what God means to me.
When I was younger religion played a big part of my life. I went to Catholic schools, we went to church on Sunday, and religion was always there. As I got older my experiences and decisions changed my thinking. I always believed in God, I just didn’t always believe in religion. I felt torn, lost without faith. I have raised my children to believe in God, although we do not go to church every Sunday. Then Jordan got sick and my life changed again.
I started talking to God again. I started asking people to pray for us. I realized the power of prayer and God was there. I remember telling Jordan “We are going to prove these doctors wrong. You are going to get better and we are going to make it though.” After that I remember talking to God every day. I would pray for Jordan, I would pray for the people around us. I would thank God for all the support and love that we received.
I started seeing things in a new light and I realized that although my life has gone in many different directions maybe I did need God. Maybe He has always been there and I just needed to just reach out and talk to Him.
Glee did such a good job tonight it was wonderful. It was nice to see how they handled the subject matter. While there are many different religions on the show, they all came together to help a friend, who in the beginning, did not believe in God and did not want their help. In the end I they don’t make him believe in God, although he has a better understanding of what having faith means.
In the end it just makes me realize who I am as a person and what God means to me.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
It's Been A While
It has been a while since I have been up this late because of Jordan. I do not think there is anything wrong with her, at least I am praying there is nothing wrong.
The past few nights she has been having trouble sleeping. I do believe it is her medication because if I look at all the side effects insomnia is one of them. I don’t know why I thought we could get away with not having these side effects. She is on so much medication I am surprised some of them have not shown their ugly heads sooner.
She told me I could go to bed, like 4 times. I kept telling her “No, I’m going to stay with you” As if I would leave her alone on the couch. There are nights when I have a hard enough time not checking on her all night, now when she is not feeling well she thinks I’m going to just let her be by herself. I don’t think so. Not to mention that she said her head and stomach hurt. Just to add the icing on the cake.
We watched some TV and I put Brother Bear 2 on at midnight, I think she fell asleep in the first 2 minutes. So now I sit here watching TV praying that she will be alright. I do think we are going to try giving her Melatonin. It is a sleep aid that they gave her in the hospital; we actually had to buy it at CVS because it is not something the hospital keeps in the pharmacy. I am hoping it helps because I am not sure how many all-nighters I can pull, unless I have a couple drinks, some loud music, friends and a dance floor.
I think a nap will be needed tomorrow, for me and for Jordan.
Good Night and God Bless!
The past few nights she has been having trouble sleeping. I do believe it is her medication because if I look at all the side effects insomnia is one of them. I don’t know why I thought we could get away with not having these side effects. She is on so much medication I am surprised some of them have not shown their ugly heads sooner.
She told me I could go to bed, like 4 times. I kept telling her “No, I’m going to stay with you” As if I would leave her alone on the couch. There are nights when I have a hard enough time not checking on her all night, now when she is not feeling well she thinks I’m going to just let her be by herself. I don’t think so. Not to mention that she said her head and stomach hurt. Just to add the icing on the cake.
We watched some TV and I put Brother Bear 2 on at midnight, I think she fell asleep in the first 2 minutes. So now I sit here watching TV praying that she will be alright. I do think we are going to try giving her Melatonin. It is a sleep aid that they gave her in the hospital; we actually had to buy it at CVS because it is not something the hospital keeps in the pharmacy. I am hoping it helps because I am not sure how many all-nighters I can pull, unless I have a couple drinks, some loud music, friends and a dance floor.
I think a nap will be needed tomorrow, for me and for Jordan.
Good Night and God Bless!
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Glee
It was an interesting Glee tonight and even more so because I had a wonderful conversation today, with a friend, about God. With everything that has happened over the past few months I have been looking into myself and my beliefs. This episode of Glee is almost a direct correlation between what I was feeling and what happened in my life, while the story line is different because it was my daughter lying in the hospital fighting not my father.
When I was younger religion played a big part of my life. I went to Catholic schools, we went to church on Sunday, and religion was always there. As I got older my experiences and decisions changed my thinking. I always believed in God, I just didn’t always believe in religion. I felt torn, lost without faith. I have raised my children to believe in God, although we do not go to church every Sunday. Then Jordan got sick and my life changed again.
I started talking to God again. I started asking people to pray for us. I realized the power of prayer and God was there. I remember telling Jordan “We are going to prove these doctors wrong. You are going to get better and we are going to make it though.” After that I remember talking to God every day. I would pray for Jordan, I would pray for the people around us. I would thank God for all the support and love that we received.
I started seeing things in a new light and I realized that although my life has gone in many different directions maybe I did need God. Maybe He has always been there and I just needed to just reach out and talk to Him.
Glee did such a good job tonight it was wonderful. It was nice to see how they handled the subject matter. While there are many different religions on the show, they all came together to help a friend, who in the beginning, did not believe in God and did not want their help. In the end I they don’t make him believe in God, although he has a better understanding of what having faith means.
In the end it just makes me realize who I am as a person and what God means to me
When I was younger religion played a big part of my life. I went to Catholic schools, we went to church on Sunday, and religion was always there. As I got older my experiences and decisions changed my thinking. I always believed in God, I just didn’t always believe in religion. I felt torn, lost without faith. I have raised my children to believe in God, although we do not go to church every Sunday. Then Jordan got sick and my life changed again.
I started talking to God again. I started asking people to pray for us. I realized the power of prayer and God was there. I remember telling Jordan “We are going to prove these doctors wrong. You are going to get better and we are going to make it though.” After that I remember talking to God every day. I would pray for Jordan, I would pray for the people around us. I would thank God for all the support and love that we received.
I started seeing things in a new light and I realized that although my life has gone in many different directions maybe I did need God. Maybe He has always been there and I just needed to just reach out and talk to Him.
Glee did such a good job tonight it was wonderful. It was nice to see how they handled the subject matter. While there are many different religions on the show, they all came together to help a friend, who in the beginning, did not believe in God and did not want their help. In the end I they don’t make him believe in God, although he has a better understanding of what having faith means.
In the end it just makes me realize who I am as a person and what God means to me
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
MRI
It is funny to think that when all this started it was easier for me when she was in a coma. Yesterday Jordan went for her MRI and I was as nervous as could be. She couldn’t eat so first I had to deal with that. She is used to getting up at 7:00 having breakfast and then eating for the rest of the day. She is a grazer, so not eating all day was very hard for her. She made it through though.
The hardest part for her was the IV she needed because she had to be sedated for the MRI. When you get an MRI you cannot move or the pictured will not come out and the test will have to be redone. Jordan was not happy about the IV so they gave her a numbing patch before they put it in. As we sat there waiting she was getting more and more agitated so instead of waiting they put the IV in right away. She cried and Jeff held her, but she made it through. When it was over she was more relaxed and could not wait for the MRI to start.
I on the other hand could have waited a life time. I was so nervous about the test and what the sedation medication would do to her. As we walked into the MRI room I thought I was going to pass out. The machine is so big, while the tube is so small. Being that I am claustrophobic the thought of lying in a small tube for an hour scared the crap out of me.
The technician looked at Jordan and said “Do you want to watch your movie and try this without the medication.” Jordan jumped all over that. She lay in the bed, put the goggles on and hooked up the head phones. Jeff and I got to stay in the room with her, which was equally as hard for me. The technician told us that she would try the first 2 tests to see how Jordan did; if everything went okay they would continue with the other tests.
I think it was the longest 3 minutes of my life. Not only is the machine loud, and the tube small, I was so worried about her moving that I didn’t know if I could make it through. Funny how this whole experience has been easy for me except for this. I know when she was in a coma I could not control anything, although I could watch the machines and know how she was doing. I helped her when she came out of the coma and as she has gotten better I have been there every step of the way. With this there was nothing I could do except sit and wait. I could not even look at the test to see how it looked, not that I would know if there was something wrong anyway.
After the first 2 test the technician talked to Jordan and she said “I’m okay, I can do this.” So they continued with all the tests. She did move through one of them, the 5 minute test, although they did it again and she did great. There we 6 tests that lasted anywhere from 3 minutes to 5 ½ minutes. Those were the longest minutes of my life.
After the tests were done, which took about 45 minutes, she came out of the tube “I didn’t really need the IV” Funny how she picked up on that right away. I started to cry when she came out. I was so proud of her and overcome with emotion because I am not sure that I could have done as well as she did. She knew that she would be able to stay still for the test and she was not intimidated by the machine or the noise. I was so amazed by her strength and determination.
Jordan had a wonderful day. She did an awesome job and now we have to wait for the results. Thanks for the continued love and support.
The hardest part for her was the IV she needed because she had to be sedated for the MRI. When you get an MRI you cannot move or the pictured will not come out and the test will have to be redone. Jordan was not happy about the IV so they gave her a numbing patch before they put it in. As we sat there waiting she was getting more and more agitated so instead of waiting they put the IV in right away. She cried and Jeff held her, but she made it through. When it was over she was more relaxed and could not wait for the MRI to start.
I on the other hand could have waited a life time. I was so nervous about the test and what the sedation medication would do to her. As we walked into the MRI room I thought I was going to pass out. The machine is so big, while the tube is so small. Being that I am claustrophobic the thought of lying in a small tube for an hour scared the crap out of me.
The technician looked at Jordan and said “Do you want to watch your movie and try this without the medication.” Jordan jumped all over that. She lay in the bed, put the goggles on and hooked up the head phones. Jeff and I got to stay in the room with her, which was equally as hard for me. The technician told us that she would try the first 2 tests to see how Jordan did; if everything went okay they would continue with the other tests.
I think it was the longest 3 minutes of my life. Not only is the machine loud, and the tube small, I was so worried about her moving that I didn’t know if I could make it through. Funny how this whole experience has been easy for me except for this. I know when she was in a coma I could not control anything, although I could watch the machines and know how she was doing. I helped her when she came out of the coma and as she has gotten better I have been there every step of the way. With this there was nothing I could do except sit and wait. I could not even look at the test to see how it looked, not that I would know if there was something wrong anyway.
After the first 2 test the technician talked to Jordan and she said “I’m okay, I can do this.” So they continued with all the tests. She did move through one of them, the 5 minute test, although they did it again and she did great. There we 6 tests that lasted anywhere from 3 minutes to 5 ½ minutes. Those were the longest minutes of my life.
After the tests were done, which took about 45 minutes, she came out of the tube “I didn’t really need the IV” Funny how she picked up on that right away. I started to cry when she came out. I was so proud of her and overcome with emotion because I am not sure that I could have done as well as she did. She knew that she would be able to stay still for the test and she was not intimidated by the machine or the noise. I was so amazed by her strength and determination.
Jordan had a wonderful day. She did an awesome job and now we have to wait for the results. Thanks for the continued love and support.
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