Jordan and I have been spending lots of time together. I know that part of her attitude is her and part of it is her medications. I have been trying very hard to let things go and understand her frustration. I have let her take those first small steps into freedom, while holding my breath.
Today we were watching TV and she was acting silly and dancing around. I had so much fun watching her and I realized that we are going to be okay. I know that we still have a lot of obstacles to overcome and that schooling is a big one, yet I know that we can handle them.
After watching her and feeling so happy I felt the need to apologize to her. I have been a hovering mom, which is something that I am not. I have told her she can’t do things, which is something I usually don’t do. Now I don’t just let me kids run around like maniacs, although some may think that I do. I believe that they are individuals that need to explore their worlds. I believe that they need guidance, although they are able to make their own decisions.
So while she was sitting on the couch I went over and said “Jordan I am very sorry.”
She looked at me and said “No mom I should be sorry because I am the one that is usually angry and mad.”
We had a wonderful conversation about what we would both do to try harder. I was so amazed that while her medications affect her most of the time there are moments of clarity. She understands that this is frustrating and that she is a little different. This gives me hope that when she is finally off her medications she will be the same little girl I have always loved.